Commentary
"I wish I knew then... what I know
now... "; that's really the only opening
line I have for this topic without starting a sermon;
my vow is that, I will not preach
this..! This sites only intention is to
provide a resource for teenagers and their
parent/guardian's with a look into the stages of drug
and alcohol abuse and its potential development into
dependency. My personal experience is that of a
recovering alcoholic who began my drinking career at
the early age of thirteen. What was it that me or my
parents did or didn't do differently than others, or
was it anything anyone did or didn't do at all? Was it
predestined? Was it genetically programmed into my
brain and body, or could it have been avoided
altogether with a few tweaks of educationally designed
disciplines? Questions that will probably never be
completely answered for me, but hopefully within these
resources I've gathered something to satisfy a quest
for general knowledge; more importantly, to help
alleviate the desire for further exploration by
teenagers today who may be having the same feelings or
pressures I had a very long time ago.
I'm gathering these resources in relationship to how I've
looked back in my life and compared the peer pressures, the
miscommunications, outdated & updated law, the perceived
right or wrong method's of educating and the graciously
avoided outcome of final tragedies that some have
already experienced; and yet unfortunately, other's will
continue to experience if not enlightened to the
choices and resources they have today.
The strength and determination of youth and their
combined effects of alcohol and drugs on them;
a mind altering narcotic of its own right!
"Alcohol... cunning, baffling and powerful",
(A.A. Big Book, 1939).
"The duty of youth is to challenge
corruption", (Kurt Cobain, 1967-1994).
Where then, does this corruption begin?
What is the duty of the adult?
How do we defuse that need to challenge?
12-30-2009 note; this page will be updated
frequently in the next few weeks as I construct a more
in depth and focused recount of my personal history,
along with, updates from other resources and news items
of interest relating to these subjects; i.e.
this page, or group of pages are UNDER
CONSTRUCTION.
BonesXXX
Disclaimer of resources found on these
pages.
www.soberbonesxxx.com ® is neither
endorsed nor approved by any of the services or
institutions listed, linked, or referred to at this
site. This information is collected solely to provide
and disseminate under fair use as educational resources about alcoholism,
alcohol abuse, drug addiction, drug abuse,
teenage/underage drinking and the law, statistics
& facts. Our primary purpose is to pass on this
information to help youth/young adults & their
families in their quest for help from addiction or
abuse and also to find sobriety if sought.
Teen & Pre-Teen Education and Discipline
Natural & Logical Consequences
From the Positive Discipline Series of
Books, CD's & DVD's,
Packages, Training Manuals, E-Books &
Downloads
NO MORE LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
At least hardly ever!
FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS
by Jane Nelsen
During a class meeting, students in a fifth grade class
were asked to brainstorm logical consequences for two
students who didn't hear the recess bell and were late
for class. Following is their list of "consequences:"
- Make them write their names on the board.
- Make them stay after school that many minutes.
- Take away that many minutes off tomorrow's recess.
- No recess tomorrow.
- The teacher could yell at them.
The students were then asked to forget about
consequences and brainstorm for solutions that would
help the students be on time.
Following is their list of solutions:
Someone could tap them on the shoulder when the bell
rings.
- Everyone could yell together, "Bell!"
- They could play closer to the bell.
- They could watch others to see when they are going
in.
- Adjust the bell so it is louder.
- They could choose a buddy to remind them that it is
time to come in.
The difference between these two lists is profound. The
first looks and sounds like punishment. It focuses on
the past and making kids "pay" for their mistake. The
second list looks and sounds like solutions that focus
on "helping" the kids do better in the future. It
focuses on seeing problems as opportunities for
learning. It other words, the first list is designed to
hurt, the second is designed to help.
In the first list, the kids try to disguise punishment
by calling it a logical consequence. Why do they do
that? Could it be that this is what they are learning
from adults? The Four R's of Logical Consequences
(Related, Respectful, Reasonable, and Revealed in
advance) were conceived in an attempt to stop the trend
of logical consequences sounding like punishment, but
they have not totally eliminated this problem.
Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to
make children DO better first we have to make them FEEL
worse? When people first hear this quote from "Positive
Discipline," they usually laugh as they think about how
it doesn't make sense. However, when it comes to
application, it seems that parents, teachers, and
students have difficulty accepting that people do
better when they feel better.
For example, many teachers like numbers 2 and 3 on the
first list above, ("Make them stay after school that
many minutes," and "Take away that many minutes off
tomorrow's recess.") It is true that those suggestions
are related, reasonable, and could be enforced
respectfully and revealed in advance. However, they all
focus on making the child pay for the past mistake
instead of finding a solution to solve the problem in
the future. In other words, they are designed to make
the children feel bad in the hopes that that will
motivate them to do better. Punishment often stops
misbehavior, but it hardly ever motivates children to
do better in the future - unless they are approval
junkies. Instead, they are motivated to rebel, get
revenge, or to be more careful about getting caught.
Kay Rogers, a recently retired teacher from Sharon
School in North Carolina said, "After I heard about the
possibility of focusing on solutions instead of
consequences, it was the hardest habit for me to break.
All my life I had believed that kids learned from
punishment -- or at least from consequences. I can now
see that my students and I both tried to disguise
punishment by calling it consequences -- even though
the consequences weren't as harsh as blatant
punishment. I had to learn about the effectiveness of
focusing on solutions right along with my students. We
were all surprised by the difference it made in our
classroom. The level of respect and caring for each
other was raised ten fold. Students became pleased to
find their name on the agenda because they knew, as
Jane Nelsen had told us, that we would have a whole
room full of consultants to give them valuable
suggestions. And, the solutions they found were much
more effective in changing behavior than anything we
had done before."
This does not mean logical consequences cannot be
effective when properly understood and appropriately
used. Hopefully the chapter on Natural and Logical
Consequences in the newly revised edition of Positive
Discipline will help. However, logical consequences are
rarely necessary and are only one possibility. Rudolph
Dreikurs taught that logical consequences are effective
ONLY for the mistaken goal of undue attention (and are
only one option even for that goal) . Too many adults
look for logical consequences "to punish" every
behavior. Looking for solutions is more effective in
most situations.
Many teachers have switched and now teach the Three Rs
and an H for Solutions: Related, Respectful, Reasonable
and HELPFUL. Once students have brainstormed for
solutions to a problem, it is extremely important to
let individual students choose the solution he or she
thinks will be most helpful. A vote should be taken
only if the problem involved the whole class.
Of course, focusing on solutions instead of
consequences is more effective in homes also. One
parent said, "I can't believe how many power struggles
I created by trying to impose "logical consequences".
We have so much more peace in our home now that we
focus on solutions."
The chapter on logical consequences in Positive
Discipline explains when and how to use effective
logical consequences. However, in most cases, it is
much simpler and much more helpful to focus on
solutions.
Read this article and more here
Discipline: Logical & Natural
Consequences
By Denise Witmer, About.com Guide
Consequences are outcomes - negative or positive - of a
person's action. By their nature, they gauge our
behavior because we as humans strive for positive
outcomes or consequences. When dealing with
disciplining your teenager, there are two types of
consequences that you'll need to be concerned with:
natural and logical. Both of these types can be
positive or negative. To help you get a handle of what
each type means, I'll define them and give both a
positive and negative example.
Natural consequences occur naturally, hence the name.
They are not controlled or manipulated by anyone. When
you plant a flower in your garden and take care of it,
it grows. That is a positive example of natural
consequences. When you put your finger in an electric
socket, you get a shock. That is an example of negative
natural consequences.
Logical consequences are situations engineered by the
person in authority and they are logically connected to
the wrong. It is logical because it "fits" the offense.
For example, if your teen breaks curfew, he/she isn't
allowed out the next night. If he/she doesn't eat
dinner, he/she doesn't get dessert. These are examples
of negative logical consequences. Setting up a reward
system for good grades and giving the reward when the
grade is obtained is an example of a positive logical
consequence.
Deciding Between Natural or Logical Consequences
When parents want their children to learn from their
mistakes, they have the choice of allowing the child to
deal with the natural consequences or set up logical
consequences. But how do you choose between the two
types of consequences? When is one more effective than
the other?
When natural consequences are immediate they are very
effective. If your teen touches a hot pot, he/she will
get burned and is not likely to do that again. Many
times, however, natural consequences are not immediate
or are too dangerous to allow. Running into the street
without looking does not always have immediate
consequences. Either does not wearing a seat belt when
driving. Both actions, though, could have dire natural
consequences that no one wants. Therefore, the natural
consequences aren't what a parent should use to teach
their teen the responsibility of their own safety and
it is up to the parents to sort out a logical
consequence that will promote the desired behavior - in
this instance not running into the street without
looking or wearing a seatbelt.
Another instance of when logical consequences will be
more effective than natural consequences is while your
teen is getting a high school education. The benefits
of good grades in school are so far off into the future
that teens do not fully comprehend them. While your
teen can repeat what he/she has been told: "good grades
will get you into a good college and you'll make more
money", until he/she sees the type of job or paycheck a
college education can get, he/she will not understand
the difference. Logical consequences, including rewards
for good grades and privileges taken for poor grades
work best as your teen can fully understand these.
There are times when the natural consequence is the
better choice for the parent to make. One excellent
example is when your teen is dating or making friends.
Finding out what type of person your teen wants to be
with and how your teen wants to be treated is going to
be his/her choice. Dating or making friends with
someone who isn't his/her type is going to show that to
him/her. Barring any mistreatment from a friend or a
date, parents will need to hold their tongue and
refrain from giving their opinions in order to let the
natural consequences - positive or negative - happen.
Discipline choices are never easy. Hopefully knowing
the difference between natural and logical consequences
will help you make the right choices for you and your
teen. Read more about clear communication in
discipline.
What do Teens Know About Alcohol?
Young people are bombarded with messages about alcohol
every day. Unfortunately, many of these messages do not
include the real facts. The reality is that underage
drinking can lead to car crashes, drownings, unplanned
pregnancies, and school failure. Simply put: Alcohol
ruins many young lives.
Even if you try to give your children the right
information about alcohol, you are up against the mixed
messages they receive about drinking out in the world.
Also, studies from the U.S. Public Health Service show
that teens do not understand the concept of alcohol
content; they think they can sober up by drinking
coffee or getting some fresh air, and many teens cannot
even differentiate between alcoholic and nonalcoholic
beverages.
How Do Teens Get Alcohol?
The 21-year-old drinking age is the law in all 50
States, and where it is strictly enforced it saves
lives. However, in too many communities the law is
simply not enforced. The statistics tell a frightening
story. Many studies have shown that underage drinking
is prevalent and starts early-as early as sixth grade.
By 10th grade, nearly 90 percent of youth have had a
drink. Six out of 10 high school seniors are regular
(at least monthly) users of alcohol. Many young people
(about two-thirds of those who drink) simply walk into
a store and buy it without ever being asked for
identification. Others use fake IDs or ask friends or
siblings to make the purchase for them. A popular
source of alcohol for young people is the family liquor
cabinet or at parties, usually at friends' homes,
sometimes without parental supervision. To put the size
of the underage drinking problem in perspective, each
year junior and senior high school students drink 1.1
billon cans of beer and consume 35 percent of the wine
coolers sold in this country.
What Can I Do About My Child?
Survey research has shown that young people often drink
to cope with the pressure they feel to be accepted, to
make decisions, or to perform in school. Providing
teenagers with an alternative outlet for these
pressures and fears any help. Be available to talk and,
most important, listen to your teenager.
When you talk to them about alcohol, it's important
to remember the following:
- Young people are very concerned about being
accepted by their peers. This need to fit in with the
group is often the reason for their first
experimentation with alcohol. Remind your children that
their true friends encourage their individuality, as
well as healthy lifestyle choices. Good friends respect
your right to be you.
- It's never too early to prevent underage drinking
because some youth start experimenting in childhood.
- Correct the assumption that all young people drink.
In fact, half the 20 million teenagers in the United
States today do not drink alcohol.
- Correct the assumption that alcohol helps people
cope. In reality, the use of alcohol and other drugs
leads to more problems.
- Control, physical abilities, and independence are
particularly important to young people, as are their
driver's licenses. Remind them that drinking is a
good way to lose all of these.
It's important to know that a young person who has
positive role models feels good about him or herself,
and has the skills to deal with the outside world is
much less likely to use alcohol.
The message to communicate to our children is that
alcohol is a drug, and that drinking can lead to
serious, even fatal consequences. Emphasize to your
teenage children that no use of alcohol by anyone under
age 21 is acceptable. Set and communicate to your
children clear policies and consequences concerning the
use of alcohol and other drugs, and enforce them.
What Can I Do in My Community?
One of the best ways you can help create a healthy
environment for your son or daughter is to be an
advocate for such an environment in your community.
Entire communities need to work together to ensure that
young people receive the right messages about alcohol.
Any program to prevent underage drinking should include
the following:
- Education - Too few young people understand
alcohol and its intoxicating effects.
- Media literacy - This provides an understanding
and ability to analyze the powerful images and words in
our media-rich world. Young people can be trained to
judge the message and the messenger and to separate
fact from fiction.
- Resistance and problem-solving skills - young people
need to be able to recognize the subtle and
not-so-subtle pressures designed to encourage them to
use alcohol. Once they have the facts about the serious
consequences of alcohol consumption, they can weigh
information and make healthy and safe decisions.
- Community norm and attitude changing - A young
person's attitude about alcohol is often created by
his or her community, family, friends,
neighborhood, and school environment. If the verbal and
nonverbal message of that community concerning alcohol
is a mixed one, young people see options that should
not be there. An important step you can take to prevent
your son or daughter from drinking in your community is
to work with others to create a protective environment
in which the pressure to drink is minimized and
adolescents can avoid experiencing the consequences of
alcohol use.
If you would like to talk to someone about your
child's use of alcohol, you can call one of our
prevention specialists and discuss the situation. In
Guilford County call (336) 812-8645 and ask to speak to
a Prevention Specialist. In Alamance or Caswell County
call (336)532-0500.
ADS is a private, non-profit agency providing substance
abuse education, prevention, and treatment services to
residents of Guilford County and surrounding areas.
Individuals and families receive the highest quality of
care available with strict attention paid to
confidentiality and client rights.
Contact ADS
In Greensboro: (336) 333-6860
In High Point: (336) 882-2125
In Burlington: (336) 532-0500
In Asheboro: (336) 633-7257
In Sanford: (919) 775-3033
In Rockingham: (919) 997-7105
In Raeford: (919) 683-6411
In Lillington: (919) 814-1020
Other Resources
page under construction, more updates and resources coming soon...
Girls & Drinking
Site Map for NC Crime Control
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